(Note: This post was inspired by an acquaintance that, because of fear of damaging their reputation, no longer allowed their teenage child to associate with a long-term friend after learning of the friend being in the LGBTQ+ community.)
Your reputation precedes you.
We’ve all heard the saying. In a lot of cases, the reputation we’ve created for ourselves is our key to making a good first impression with people we haven’t even met yet.
Our reputations can help us establish new connections and open doors for new opportunities. This can make a huge difference in our lives both personally and professionally.
Professional vs Personal Reputation
Your professional reputation is, as its name suggests, your reputation in your career/profession. It’s how your coworkers would describe you to someone in a professional setting when asked the question “What do you know/think about ?”
Your personal reputation is what your family, friends, and neighbors say about you when asked the same question.
In a perfect world, your personal reputation would reflect your values/beliefs and your professional reputation would be an extension of your personal reputation. Both would be in line with your values/beliefs and in harmony with each other.
But, what if they’re not?
What if reputations and values don’t align?
That’s a problem.
I know that wasn’t especially insightful, but, in my opinion, it’s true. If you’re cultivating a personal or professional reputation that isn’t in line with your personal values and beliefs, well, things could get real ‘interesting’ down the road. Especially if your personal reputation isn’t in line with your values.
As more and more time and effort is spent cultivating your reputation, its importance and significance grow in your mind. As time progresses we begin to fear losing our reputations.
When we fear losing a reputation that’s not in line with our beliefs, it naturally starts to erode those beliefs. Over time this erosion can lead to making decisions that we’re not necessarily proud of.
Is one reputation more important than the other?
Is the professional reputation most important?
If our professional reputation is tarnished, it could be a serious problem for our careers (possibly career-ending) and threaten our ability to earn a living and support our family. This can be very stressful.
Or is the personal reputation the more important one?
If our personal reputation is tarnished you risk losing the respect of your family, friends, and neighbors. We’d still be able to pay the bills, but I’m guessing the psyche would suffer from the effects of social isolation.
I don’t think there is one right answer to this question. The answer depends largely on the value we place on avoiding the negative consequences of ‘losing’ our reputations.
If we had to choose between losing our family and friends or our jobs, what would we choose? For me, my job is replaceable. My family and friends are not.
How do I manage the conflicts?
When I’m faced with these types of conflicts, I apply some advice I got a long time ago from reading Steven R Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Specifically Habit #2 “Begin with the End in Mind”.
This habit says to imagine attending your own funeral and think about what you would like your eulogy to be.
By doing this mental exercise many times over many years, I’ve learned the things that mean the most to me would be things like “He was a good father.” or “He was a good husband.” or “He was a kind, loving person.” or “He was an open-minded, accepting person” or “He was a good friend”.
Things that would be less important for me would be “He was a good computer programmer.” or “He was a tireless worker.” or “He had a good work ethic.” or “He was a good analyst.”.
Viewing dilemmas through these optics has always helped me keep my focus on what is truly important to me and keeps me firmly in control of my decisions by aligning with my values.
For me, being true to myself and what I value and believe in is more important than my reputation. I would much rather have my reputation (professional or personal) tarnished than sacrifice my integrity.
Finally, just for fun, I’ll close with some words of wisdom from the great Master Yoda. In Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith he says:
Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose. The fear of loss is a path to the dark side because you become willing to do just about anything to prevent yourself from feeling that pain.”.
Mystery Money Man says
Love this Alan, very thought provoking! I agree that ones personal values and reputation are far more important than how they are regarded by their employer/professionally. I think that a professional reputation can vary depending on the group who is considering it.
For example, I likely have a slightly different reputation with my staff and my colleagues (one that is closer to my personal reputation/values), than I carry with my employer. This is because my employer values a different set of characteristics than my staff and colleagues do.
An employer/corporation will always measure an employees value against the bottom line (whether they admit it or not), while the people you’re in the trenches with day in, day out, demand the stuff that really matters….integrity, honesty, compassion, fairness, you name it.
How my staff feel about me, or my colleagues, is far more important than how my employer feels, and I would never compromise my values or personal reputation to please the company, or to improve my career standing.
Alan says
Thanks for the comment Mystery Money Man!
I agree, it is a very thought provoking topic. When I really sat down and thought it all through, I was amazed at how important the professional reputation can become for some. It was probably especially eye opening for me, since I’ve never been one to place that much importance on it.