Science says gratitude is good for us. It helps us appreciate the good times and comforts us through the bad. It suppresses the human tendency toward negativity bias. And it makes us more generous, empathetic human beings.
I’m not going to rehash the scientific benefits of gratitude here. Nor am I going to talk about the bazillion ways to practice gratitude. A quick Google search will give you everything you ever want to know on those topics (and more!).
My point here is, gratitude is worth spending time on. And not just one day a year designated for that purpose.
Gratitude is more than a gesture. It’s more than the words “Thank you” or “I’m thankful for ____.” (Though words are an excellent place to start!)
Gratitude shifts your perspective and reveals your values. And, ultimately, it leads to a happier life.
Gratitude is an emotion generally associated with happiness. But it can also be a mood and part of our personality. It can be spontaneous but also cultivated through practice. Different people experience it at different times, in different ways. But it’s beneficial to everyone.
What if life, as you know it today, becomes only a memory tomorrow? The perfect way to find gratitude.
As you go through your day, try a thought experiment. Mentally remove things or people and think about what that moment would be like without them.
David Cain from Raptitude has an exercise for thinking about what life could be like without someone. Below is the activity, in his words:
You’ll need a moment in which you’re with a loved one, and they’re talking to someone else, doing a crossword, or otherwise not directly engaging with you.
Whatever they’re doing, quietly observe them doing it, paying attention to their unique mannerisms, voice, and presence.
Here’s the part that will make you cry. Try to see this moment as though it’s actually in the past, and this person is gone now. You’re remembering this one ordinary moment, in perfect detail, from that precious window of time when your lives still overlapped.”
–How To Create Gratitude, David Cain
Life is full of continual change, so it’s not an unrealistic exercise. Acknowledging the realness of it makes it even more powerful.
It’s super easy to think that bad things only happen to other people. To forget how fleeting life is and how it can change in the blink of an eye. This thought experiment helps you see the impermanence of your life. Everything you have right now could change in a matter of seconds.
For some of us, fear takes over, and the thought of change and loss is too painful to consider. But denial won’t stop the hands of time. If it’s tough to think about, rather than turn away, perhaps you should take a closer look.
Recognizing the ephemeral nature of life is an excellent way to cultivate gratitude. Sure, it comes with a hint of sadness, but it also helps us better appreciate what we have right now. The fact that we don’t know what’s next, well, that’s part of the beauty of life.
My most poignant experiences of gratitude happen in the moment. And when I notice those moments, I try to pay attention and savor every second. Here’s one that comes to mind:
Last February, we were visiting our then 19-year-old son, Jake, who lives 1000 miles away. Our visit felt like so many of our travels with the kids when they were young. Except for this time, Jake was driving us around. One moment struck me during a quiet moment in the car. We were all four together, tired after a day of fun and laughter and exploring. My gratitude was overflowing for that moment. Though it felt bittersweet, I soaked it up, knowing full well that times like these can’t and won’t happen very often. As the kids get older, there are fewer of them. But there we were. And I committed to experiencing every second of it.
Gratitude shifts your perspective.
Gratitude helps you disentangle yourself from the routines and stresses of everyday life. It encourages you to step back and look at your life from the outside-in.
Think of a time when life seemed to come to a screeching halt. Maybe you had a sick child, your pet died, or someone you love moved far away.
During tough times, nothing else seems to matter. The small things in life fall away. It’s then that everyday concerns don’t carry so much weight. You’re focused on and grateful for the people and things that matter most.
Even when you’re having a shitty day or week or year (hello 2020!), gratitude can help you look beyond it. Finding the good in your life—when the world seems to be falling apart around you—can change your perspective. It’s not easy, but you don’t have to look far.
It doesn’t matter how small it is – a hot cup of coffee, a smile, the sun shining through the trees. When you notice the little things, it takes the focus off of you and your problems. Because even the smallest things help you appreciate the good in your life.
Bonus: Gratitude fosters kindness too!
Gratitude reveals your values.
It’s easy to get distracted from the important things. There are schedules to keep and bills to pay. But gratitude is the hedge that keeps you focused on your values.
Gratitude helps you see what’s most important to you – and what’s not. It guides you on where to double down and what to consider letting go. When your life aligns with the things you value most, you’ll feel more gratitude and peace. You’ll be more compassionate, generous, healthy, and happy.
Go beyond one day of thanks
No, you can’t be grateful all the time. But, you’ll be healthier and happier when you carry it beyond just one day a year.
The practice of gratitude can easily change your life.
In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”
Harvard Health Publishing
P.S. The practical side of gratitude
Gratitude is a life skill that leads to greater life fulfillment and satisfaction. Research shows that, with regular practice, gratitude changes our brains (for the better).
Feeling grateful is easier for some of us than others. But that doesn’t mean it’s out of reach for them. It just means it might take a bit more practice.
Think habit. To make the most difference in your life, work on making gratitude part of your daily routine.
If you’re looking for practical ways to practice gratitude, here are a few resources for you:
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