Joy comes to us in ordinary moments. We risk missing out when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary.” – Brene Brown
It’s easy to get busy and caught up in the rush of everyday life – and striving for the extraordinary – that we don’t recognize the value of the ordinary moments of our lives until they’ve passed.
We’re always looking forward to that next big thing.
The day when you finally get the promotion, send the kids off to school, or reach financial independence.
The weekend, the vacation, the new job, or retirement.
It’s easy to focus on what’s next – and not the value of the ordinary moments as they happen.
That is until something happens to wake us up to them.
When someone close to us moves away, we think about the days we spent with them. The times when we talked over coffee, went fishing, worked on a project together. Whatever it was we did with them, we think about how we’ll miss those moments.
When we’re waiting for a diagnosis, a surgery, or a life-or-death phone call, we look at life with a different perspective. Time slows down. We savor every moment and the dear people in our lives. Things we used to think were so important suddenly become trivial.
When someone dies, we smile through our tears as we remember our time together. And we treasure the ordinary moments most of all.
That’s when we see how the ordinary moments are pretty extraordinary.
Life is ordinary Mondays
Children, especially younger children, appreciate the ordinary moments best. They giggle at the dog’s antics. They explore the backyard full of curious wonders. They pay attention to the way the snow or sand feels. They study the details of people’s faces.
They’re right there reveling in the everyday, ordinary moments.
Even on Mondays.
But children, well, most children have few responsibilities. They have more time to appreciate those little things. Their work is their play.
With adulthood comes bills, errands, laundry, and dishes. And work. There is work.
And so much of this happens on Mondays.
I think if you can learn to savor the ordinary moments on Mondays, you can do it on any other day too, right?! 😉
Happiness is the joy you find on hundreds of forgettable Wednesdays.” – Tim Urban
Tim Urban provided the inspiration for part of this post – and my desire to learn to appreciate ordinary Mondays. Urban wrote a couple of great articles on the topic of forgettable, mundane Wednesdays. In one great article on Wait But Why, Tim writes about “Jack” and his constant striving for a happy future. But in his striving, Jack misses out on the value of today.
“Jack’s error is brushing off his mundane Wednesday and focusing entirely on the big picture, when in fact the mundane Wednesday is the experience of his actual life.
And his assumption that his future Todays would be as vibrant and rich as the broad picture of his life is misunderstanding the unremarkable nature of a pixel, no matter what one’s life looks like in broad strokes. This assumption leads Jack to feel like his uneventful Today must be an unsatisfactory temporary relationship when in reality it’s an inevitable and permanent marriage that he must accept and embrace in order to be happy.”
We’re all searching for happiness and joy in our lives. That’s what makes us human. But sometimes we look too far and aim too high when happiness is right here – today – staring us in the face.
Even on Mondays.
The key, then, is to learn to appreciate the ordinary moments as they come. And that, my friends, is no small feat.
The power of memories and expectations is such that for most human beings the past and the future are…more real than the present.” – Alan Watts
How do we learn to appreciate the ordinary?
I don’t know about you, but I get frustrated at myself for not always recognizing (or appreciating) the ordinary moments that make up my life.
I’m pretty sure this happens to all of us sometimes. For me, it’s super easy to get distracted by my “goals,” by the big picture of what I think life should look like, and especially by the busyness of everyday life.
But I’ve noticed I also go through times when I’m pretty good about appreciating the little things, the small moments in my life that bring me comfort and joy and gratitude.
And you know what I’ve noticed about these times? The times when I’m especially mindful of the beautiful, ordinary moments of my life?
It’s always when life has slowed down for one reason or another.
It can be when we’re traveling, have schedule-free weekends, or during undistracted, intentional time with family and friends.
It’s also during the more trying times of life – like when someone dies, when someone I love is suffering, or when I’m recovering from surgery.
The crazy thing is – as much as I tell myself during these slower times that I need to be more tuned into the ordinary moments of my life – every, single day – I still get distracted and forget to pay attention. I forget to be grateful. I forget to appreciate all the little moments that bring me joy.
I forget that those moments are the moments that make up my life.
So I’ve been thinking.
I want to figure out how to appreciate those moments as they’re happening! What if I could drink them in and savor them right then? But just how do I remember to do this???
How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing.” – Annie Dillard
Find the joy in your ordinary Monday
How can we stay more centered on each moment, so we don’t miss the joys of today while striving for the happiness of tomorrow?
I don’t have the answer.
But, I’ve got some ideas that I think can help.
In my search for a way to help me pay attention to the joys in my ordinary Mondays, I came up with a list of ideas to focus more on the joy of the ordinary moments. Some might work, others probably won’t.
What I’m looking for is a way to develop the habit of recognizing and appreciating the ordinary moments.
First, I think we all need to figure out what might work for us, in our own lives. Second, we have to figure out how to incorporate it into our daily life.
What it looks like will be different for everyone. What works for me, won’t necessarily work for you.
Personally, I’m working on one idea at a time from the list below, trying to make it a habit, and seeing how it goes. (Join me and let me know how it’s going!)
Joy is different than happiness. Happiness is something that measures how good we feel over time. But joy is about feeling good right now, in the moment.” – Ingrid Fetell Lee
Ways to appreciate the ordinary moments of life
Ask “When things are going really well in our family what does it look like?”
This one came from Brené Brown. I think it’s a great way to figure out what is most valuable to you in your daily life. Once you figure out what it looks like when things are going well, you can try to eliminate (or limit) the things that aren’t adding value. And double down on what makes things go really well.
This is especially useful on Mondays – what does it look like when your Monday is going really well?
Write it down.
Work on getting more and more days to look like “when things are going really well.”
Learn mindfulness
Mindfulness is literally a practice of being in the present moment – and accepting it for what it is.
It’s the epitome of appreciating the ordinary.
But learning it is easier said than done. Believe me, I know…
It’s one of those things that has to be practiced over and over and over again. It’s also one of those things that we all think we suck at.
But I think once it starts to become a habit, the benefits far outweigh the time and effort it takes to build the habit.
So far, I’ve found Camp Calm’s 3-minute lessons useful in learning and practicing mindfulness in small doses. (Thanks for the tip, J$!)
Recognize and learn to accept the impermanence of everything
As human beings, we want permanence. We strive for stability and consistency. For guarantees that things won’t change. For security.
But permanence is a fantasy.
Recognizing impermanence as the reality of our lives (because it is) helps us be more present. It helps us be more mindful and appreciative of ordinary moments. Because we know they won’t last.
The recognition of impermanence has far-reaching benefits. When we accept and expect change, we better deal with the reality of our lives. We know that everything will change – our relationships, our health, our money, our lives. The good times and the bad.
Not only does this help us appreciate the present moment, but it helps us grow and learn and get stronger.
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” – Robert Brault
Stop ruminating on the negative
Even when things are going relatively well in our lives, we hyper-focus on the negative. We replay the negative comment, the mistake we made, the single one-star review. This is our negativity bias at work.
But ruminating on negative moments that are in our past keeps us from experiencing our lives right now. It puts us in a poor frame of mind, distracts us, and prevents us from growing.
So, if you tend to overthink the negative, try to recognize and stop it in its tracks. Here is an article that has some fantastic suggestions for ways to stop ruminating.
Exercise
We all know the physical benefits of exercise. We even know that exercise boosts our mood, at least temporarily. But there’s more to it than that.
Exercise helps us pay more attention.
Personally, yoga provides a great way for me to slow things down and be in the moment. It reminds me to pay attention to my body and my breathing – and I feel like the benefits extend beyond my yoga mat. Yoga can be pretty meditative, and the whole idea behind meditation is to be fully present in the moment.
But you don’t have to do yoga for exercise to help you be more present. Any type of physical activity can help you be more aware – of what’s going on with your body and what’s going on around you.
Exercise takes us away from our day-to-day routine and helps our minds stop thinking so much about our “to do” list or the meeting we need to prepare for.
Experience more nature
Nature not only boosts our mood and improves our mindset, but it also helps us appreciate the present moment.
Nature takes us out of the “work” of our daily lives and commands us to pay more attention. We become less distracted by our phones, computers, and tasks. We soak in all the goodness nature has to offer. It quiets our mind.
You know the feeling of grass beneath your bare feet? The smell of that same fresh cut grass? The sounds of the birds singing early in the morning? The warm spring sun on your bare arms after a long winter? That’s the good stuff, friends. Paying attention to those things is the perfect practice for appreciating the ordinary.
Slow it down
Pick one area of your life that you typically rush through and create an environment where you can intentionally Slow. It. Down.
Maybe it’s rushed mornings, inhaling your lunch in 5 minutes, or that chaotic time when everyone arrives home at the end of the day.
Create intentional space around the busiest times, the times when you feel rushed and stressed.
Unplug/Go screen-free
Phones are a great distraction from, well, everything. They steal our ordinary moments. Moments we would have otherwise experienced, savored, or just noticed.
To key into the ordinary moments in our lives, first, we have to notice them. Second, we have to fully experience them. Breaking the habit of looking at your phone is a great way to do this.
How often do you look at your phone when there’s no real need to look at it? What about the second you have some downtime? When you’re between tasks? During a pause in the conversation? As soon as you wake up? When you’re bored or procrastinating? When you get notifications?
I’m far from perfect here. But I’ve been trying to break the habit of looking at my phone during certain times of the day. Like when I’m spending time with family and friends, or when I’m having a conversation. Or not checking email as soon as I get my morning coffee (still haven’t mastered that one).
Try picking a specific time of the day to make your phone off limits. As soon as you get that down, add more times when it’s off limits.
I LOVE Screenless Saturdays, as practiced by The Minimalists. This simple act goes to show you how much you use screens and what amazing things can happen when you don’t.
Write something daily
Things I didn’t even know about myself have revealed themselves to me when I’m writing. I write to learn and understand. I write to think. I write to reflect. I write to better appreciate my life.
Even if you don’t think you like to write, give it a shot for a while and see what happens. Such a simple, non-time consuming task can transform your life more than you might think.
Writing in a journal every day can help you reflect. It will help you be more intentional. And it will help you recognize the moments as they happen.
However you choose to do it, your writing should be just that – your writing. Which means you get to decide what to write. Maybe you just want to write about what went well in your day. Perhaps you want to reflect on your thoughts.
For some guidance, pick one or all of the ideas below and start there.
Express gratitude (daily)
We’ve all heard of the benefit of gratitude journals. Science has shown that people who practice gratitude and write down what they’re grateful for are happier and more optimistic.
Writing down things you’re grateful for each day is a good way to go about it. But when writing about gratitude, be specific, go deeper, and don’t allow repeats to help stave off apathy.
I sometimes fall into a pattern of writing down the “easy” things that I’m grateful for (you know, a roof over my head, food in my fridge, etc.).
When this happens, the effects of writing it becomes diluted because I’m general and repetitive (and not really paying that much attention). For it to really work, you have to pay attention.
Another way to express gratitude is to write letters of appreciation to the people in your life. Sounds a little scary and vulnerable. But here’s the kicker – you don’t necessarily have to send them to the person to reap the benefits (though I’m sure that person would appreciate reading your letter!).
Spread kindness (and write about it)
One moment can change a day, one day can change a life, one life can change the world.” – Buddha
Write down your contributions and acts of kindness each day (no matter how small you think they are). Doing this is an excellent reminder that we can and do make a real difference in the world.
Writing it down not only helps us to build the habit, but it changes the way we go through our daily lives.
“Looking for ways to do kind things for others forces you to pay more attention to what’s going on around you. When you set an intention to do one act of kindness a day, it completely changes how you go through your day. You’re no longer focused on your to-do list and the incessant thoughts in your head – you’re focused on what’s going on around you – right here and right now.” – Why We Money
Focus on the joys (daily)
Write down three moments of joy each day. When this becomes a habit, it helps you notice the moments of joy as they happen – allowing you to savor and appreciate them more when they take place.
Of all the New Year’s resolutions I’ve ever made, this is the one I’ve kept the longest by far. Now nearly every night before I go to sleep, I jot down three happy moments in my notebook. Doing this makes me notice and appreciate these flashes of joy; when something positive happens, I think, ‘This will make the notebook.’ It’s a habit that brightens the whole day” – Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy
How do you appreciate your ordinary Mondays?
Steveark says
Monday and Friday were my favorite days of the week prior to retiring early. Monday because work was fun and I usually had something to look forward to there and Friday because it signaled the weekend when I got to spend time with family and friends. Now that my wife and I have six days off each week it is a little different I consider Monday through Friday to be our best days because with everyone else working we have less people at our favorite fishing lakes and hiking trails and no lines at stores during the day.
Great tips, we continue our early morning distance running with the same group we’ve run with for nearly 20 years and lots of tennis to maintain our fitness and we do practice gratitude. How can you not be grateful for being alive in a world full of promise? And we don’t rush any more. We have plenty of time. It’s 8:39 AM Monday morning as I type this and I’m still in my PJ’s at the breakfast table. The first entry on my calendar today is 4:30 PM tennis this afternoon. But I’m sure I’ll find something to do between now and then. Great post!
Amanda says
Thanks for the great comment, Steveark! 🙂 I think it’s awesome that you found joy in your Mondays – even when you were working! I also get why you love weekdays so much now – avoiding crowds is definitely joyful. Reading through your comment, what sticks out to me is you seem very intentional with your time – and it seems as if you were even before retirement. Time is our greatest gift.
Thanks again for reading and commenting! 🙂