What happens when you get everything you want?
Well, you want MORE, of course.
But more almost always leads to diminishing returns.
The fulfillment curve: The point of ENOUGH
For any Your Money or Your Life fans out there, the fulfillment curve is a familiar concept. The idea is that when you reach the peak of the fulfillment curve – that point where you’ve got the optimal amount of what you need and want – that’s where you want to stay. If you keep going past the peak to get even more, fulfillment deteriorates pretty quickly.
The fulfillment curve in Your Money or Your Life is used to address your desire for more stuff (i.e., consumerism). It’s intended to point out when you have enough luxuries in life to feel satisfied, to keep you from plummeting past the peak.
Enough is the keyword there.
I think it’s natural to want more of, well, everything we deem good in life. But the fulfillment curve is an excellent reminder of how we can take things a bit too far.
It can be applied to everything from income to consumerism to, dare I say, savings.
And it’s relevant to Time too. Even the time we spend on things we enjoy. Because too much of a good thing is still too much. (Like when hobbies become paying gigs, and then become work.)
Granted, the fulfillment peak changes as our lives progress and transform. That’s why revisiting the fulfillment curve often, and finding your point of Enough, is paramount to creating some semblance of balance (and satisfaction) in life.
How do you stay at the peak?
I’ve thought about this an awful lot lately.
Our family is mostly satisfied with the time/money balance we’ve worked toward the past few years. I’ve questioned if pushing forward, or furthering some goals, would help or hinder that balance.
Thanks to the pandemic, Alan now works four days a week from home. And this is a permanent (and welcome) change. With us both working from home, we have the flexibility we’ve wanted for some time.
And we’re on track for early retirement if that’s what we decide we want. Not super early. I mean, we’re in our mid-40s now. But, depending on health insurance and the choices we make, the timeline is flexible. It could be sooner or later.
All that to say, though we have our share of difficulties, our life is pretty damn good. If it weren’t for the pandemic, for which we can only do our part, I would say I’m at a peak on the fulfillment curve in many areas of life.
And, I have a lot of thoughts around that like…
- What if the next shoe drops?
- What’s next?
- What goals do I need to work for?
- What’s the best use of my time?
- What will happen in 2, 5, 10 years from now?
- How can I provide the most value with the time I have?
- And (probably a topic for a blog post) does all of my time have to be productive, dammit? (Can’t I just relax?)
But the most poignant, and perhaps the most challenging question is –
How do I keep from falling off that peak of fulfillment into the depths of too much?
Pursuing more
Consistently going past peak fulfillment and blowing by Enough is a scarcity mindset.
Because enough can feel like it’s just around the corner, we go slightly further to get there. But it’s always there, lurking on the horizon, just out of reach.
Whether it’s more money, or more things, or more achievements…more will always be there.
But more comes at a cost.
Personally, I’m happy much of the time, but I admit, I’m not always content. I get squirrely and start looking for the next big thing.
And, now that I’m a bit older and (hopefully) wiser, I recognize that search for more as a trap.
Because when I focus on pursuing more, I miss those amazing, precious everyday moments. Thinking (obsessing) about it takes up too much space in my life.
If I had to guess, I don’t think I’m alone here.
When you reach a goal or feel like you’ve accomplished what you set out to do in some area of your life, it’s easy to blow right on past that searching for what’s next.
So, what’s a person to do?
Find Your Enough
If you’ve never considered what’s enough for you, it should be priority number one. Because if you don’t even know what’s enough in your life, you’ll only continue to want more.
And my enough is different from your enough. I think that’s a super important point.
Paul Jarvis wrote about this, and I think he illustrates the point well:
“Really, if we spend less time envying or assuming that others think less of us because they’re in a different place than we are, then it becomes easier to focus on what’s important to ourselves. We can’t figure out our own enough if we’re judging others and comparing where they’re at in their enough journey to ours.”
It’s easy for us to look at someone else’s life and think we’d have enough – if only we had what they have. But what they have probably won’t make us all that happy. And it’s irrelevant to our understanding of what we actually want for ourselves.
Use your values
Use your personal values as a filter for figuring out what’s enough for you.
Using your values as a guide, ask yourself what’s “enough.” And then ask, what is “more” (i.e., too much)?
If you haven’t yet, write a personal mission statement. Use that to look at your life and the decisions you make. Create rules for what you will and will not do.
Do we become complacent when we’re fulfilled?
It’s natural for us to worry about complacency if we’re not moving on or shifting our focus on the next milestone.
It’s a very human thing to want to grow and learn and feel like there’s a purpose to your Life. So it’s reasonable that once you reach a goal, to want to focus on the next accomplishment. Or expand your original goal and keep going. It’s like boxes that you like to check off as you go.
People love to check those boxes.
Lately, I’ve wondered if it’s always necessary to even have A Next Big Thing. Or to check the box on another goal.
Is it okay just to be? Will that make us complacent and lazy?
I don’t think so.
Maybe there’s a point in that fulfillment curve where you don’t need the next milestone. Perhaps it’s enough to learn and grow and explore your world as it is.
Or maybe there is some other goal you want to reach. It’s worthwhile to pursue – if it’s what you want to do. Not because you think you should – or because of the accolades you’ll receive. Not for social media posts and bragging rights.
But if that’s what you want your life to look like – if that’s the journey you want to take, then, by all means, you should take it.
Here’s one way to be able to tell if you really want something. Ask yourself if you would do it even if no one else were ever to know about it.
Even when we have enough, or reach that peak fulfillment on the curve, it doesn’t mean we just stop.
It simply means we don’t go after the excess that will weigh us down.
The freedom of having everything you want – and nothing more
There’s something else about being at the point of enough. Once you reach that point, you can still work to optimize it. There is freedom in not going after more. That freedom allows you to be more creative and really hone in on what you already have.
As long as you’re creating and learning and trying new things and doing some work (because whether we admit it or not, some work is good) – you can find joy hanging out there at the peak of Enough.
I’ve found some things that help me temper feelings of wanting more. In a rambling sort of list, here they are:
- Be grateful for where we are and what we have in life.
- Show kindness to others.
- Provide value when we can.
- Remember to pay attention and enjoy the moments that make up our lives. Because the only guarantee in life is this moment we’re in right now.
- Stay curious.
- Let the small stuff go, because what do we really control anyway?!
- But, also question everything. For instance, are the stories you’re telling yourself about who you are and who you want to be your stories? Are you enjoying the journey, or are you too focused on the destination to notice?
Also, be okay with the in-between times of life.
I was talking with my friend, Colin, about this a while back. I’ve experienced this in-between feeling as my kids are growing up and starting to leave home. There is the temptation to fill that space of transition, to figure out what life should look like now. But to fill the space seems like a distraction.
Sometimes after we get to where we wanted to go, we long for the journey that got us there. We don’t take the time to soak it up and celebrate where we’re at right now.
I’ve found it more helpful to just be in that space for a while. Not easy, necessarily. But it helps to clarify what is and think about what could be before taking any rash steps and adding more to life.
Stillness is necessary to be able to put things into perspective. Why not sit with where you are for a little while?
Life will change. That’s a guarantee. But we don’t have to always try to bend it to fit what we think it should be.
I think it all comes back to finding balance. Which is so easy to talk about, yet pretty challenging in real life. Especially since it goes against the grain of the traditional expectation that more leads to success.
Yet, I think it’s worth questioning and exploring, all the same.
Thanks for reading! The reason I write about topics like this is to learn more! So this is not a “how-to” article by any means, just rambling ideas I am working through and decided to share. 🙂
Chris@TTL says
Amanda,
I enjoyed this thought-provoking discussion about “what’s next”.
This line stuck out to me:
“Like when hobbies become paying gigs, and then become work.”
I’ve been there before—sacrificing my hobbies for money, unexpectedly finding that I’ve turned them into work.
Surely I didn’t need to do that…
Good quote, good point.
I’ve thought a lot about having enough and wrote on defining how much is enough. This tails in really nicely with that—what do you do once you reach the point of enough.
Thanks for making me think more about it.
Amanda says
Thanks so much, Chris!
I’ve had hobbies turn into work too…so I’m careful not to let that happen going forward.
I think defining what’s enough is definitely the best first step. If you don’t know what that point is, you can’t know when to change things up and enjoy it. 🙂
Dividend Power says
Solid article. I think there are two things that happen when you have enough. Some people hit stead state and kind of find a second career or start volunteering, For others it is never enough and they keep accumulating.
Amanda says
Thank you! You’re right – most people will eventually do something when they hit “enough”, no doubt! Volunteering, hobbies, second career – to fulfill that sense of purpose. These are great examples of what to do when you get there, rather than continue to accumulate.
DocToDisco says
WWM,
Yes! I have thought about this a lot and it is THE reason I R.E.’ed after I was F.I.. In the evolution or progression to getting to F.I.R.E. it’s an inevitable step to the finish line. When I realized I had enough (of my profession) and I HAVE enough ($, things, expensive experiences, etc.) It was over. Having TIME is PRICELESS!
Amanda says
Thanks so much for the comment DoctoDisco! 🙂 I am with you 110%. Time IS priceless!!! It’s awesome that you were able to say enough is enough.
Steveark says
My understanding of the optimum income study showed that after around $70K additional income had marginal happiness impacts, but there was no evidence that additional money caused less happiness. The excessively rich were equally happy as the optimum finances group, maybe even slightly happier, but only slightly. I don’t think there is any risk of having too much money, I have too much money, I’m happy, it just stopped mattering how much money I have. I think the net worth curve is different than the fulfillment curve because there is no optimum net worth and no risk of it getting above optimum, more is always better, it just stops getting much better after you have enough. I live on a fraction of my actual passive income because I don’t want more things. But my billionaire friend, who spends much more, he’s a happy guy too. Maybe I’m saying the same thing, its how you view your money situation that matters, not the amount you have. I do think that too much stuff can hurt happiness, all those things you could buy start to own you, instead of you owning them.
Amanda says
Thanks for the comment Steveark! 🙂 It’s interesting to think about net worth and the fulfillment curve. It sounds to me like you and your friend have both done the (hard, but important) work of figuring out your point of “enough” (and know where your optimum fulfillment lies). You know what’s most important to you and put your values first. At the end of the day, I think that’s the key, no matter how much money is involved. I agree 100% that it’s all in how you look at it – and I think it’s different for everyone.
For us, we spent a year doubling down on trying to build net worth more quickly. But, in the end, the sheer amount of time we spent doing so and how we went about it was not worth any increase in our net worth. We’re fortunate enough to be at a point where we didn’t need to do it, so we determined right then and there that for us time > more money. While we continue to grow our net worth, we try to focus on the journey. No regrets! But definitely some lessons learned there.
FraidyCat says
I find this fulfillment curve so interesting, and we’ve been talking about it a lot this year because, with reduced workloads and no commute, we’re pretty close to an ideal level of busyness anyway… we’re aiming for work-optional in a decade or so, but it’d be interesting if we stick with work just because we’ve found part-time versions of our careers that we like!
Amanda says
Thanks for the comment, FraidyCat! 🙂 Like you, the pandemic has changed what work looks like for us. At this point, we are thinking we’ll continue to work part-time after FI. Time will tell!