Our son recently graduated and shipped off to Air Force Basic Training. As we planned the parties, looked through pictures, and reminisced about life with our son over the last 18 years, what I thought of most was the experiences we had.
It was the camping, hiking, fishing, and kayaking. It was building homemade volcanoes and finding adventures in our backyard. It was playing football on the lawn, sitting around the campfire, and exploring all the places we visited.
Some of these experiences cost money, but others didn’t cost a dime. No matter the cost, the value of those experiences is, I hate to use this word, but – priceless!
When I think back on those experiences, I don’t remember what cars we were driving or what clothes we were wearing. But I know exactly where we were and what we did when we made all those memories.
And, let me tell you, I value all those experiences now more than ever. They add up to a whole lotta joy!
Experiences > possessions
What we’re all after is “happiness”. Or at least, we’re after what we think will make us happy.
Sometimes we buy new things to try to make ourselves happy. But, as we all know, we quickly get used to the shiny new things, and then they’re not so new and shiny anymore. Our happiness fades fast.
But experiences. Well, experiences are different.
The thing is, when it comes to experiences, sometimes it’s hard to see the value. They can seem like a waste of time and money because they don’t last. Not like material possessions do. I mean, a camping trip can be over in a weekend, but you might own that new car for years.
But the value, life satisfaction, or “happiness” we derive from experiences is entirely different…and better!
With experiences, you not only have the event but the anticipation and excitement leading up to it but also memories that last a lifetime. Granted, you might have anticipation and excitement over getting that new car, but you can bet that will fade and you won’t remember much about that car 20 years from now.
Thomas Gilovich from Cornell gives us some insight into why we value experiences more than possessions:
…the justification that people sometimes give for spending money on material possessions rather than experiences – that “at least I’ll always have the possession” but the experience will “come and go in a flash” – is backwards. Psychologically, it is the experience that lives on and the possession that fades away. Experiences live on in the memories we cherish, the stories we tell, and the enhanced sense of self they help us construct.”
3 reasons experiences make us happier than possessions
Gilovich suggests three main reasons why experiences make us happier than material possessions.
1. They are part of our identity
We are not the sum total of our possessions, however important they might be to us. If called upon to write our memoirs, it is our experiences we would write about, not our possessions.”
Material possessions are separate from us. They sit there in the closet or garage, and we use them now and then.
Experiences, on the other hand, become part of who we are. We learn from them. We derive meaning from them. They shape how we think, behave, and feel.
Our experiences make up the story of our lives.
2. They deepen bonds
…one reason that experiential purchases tend to provide more enduring satisfaction is that they more readily, more broadly, and more deeply connect us to others.”
Since experiences are typically social, you bond with the friends, family or, even strangers, who have the experience with you. But this bond doesn’t end after the experience is over. It continues to strengthen as you have conversations and tell stories about the experience later.
Shared experiences provide a common bond that deepens our relationships. And close relationships lead to more life satisfaction.
3. They don’t create envy as possessions do (at least not as much!)
When it comes to experiences, comparisons to what other people have done are less important.”
We don’t compare our experiences the same way we compare our material possessions.
First of all, experiences are harder to compare. Your trip to Hawaii is going to be different from your co-worker’s trip to Hawaii even if you went to the same resort. On the other hand, it’s much easier to compare your Ford Focus to your co-worker’s BMW.
Second, it’s more difficult to put a price tag on an experience. However, people tend to assign a monetary value to their possessions, making comparisons easier.
So even though a vacation costs money, making a comparison to your friend’s vacation is hard to do, even if they paid less (or more). You may be disappointed you paid more (or less), but you still value the experience the same as you did before.
Should you spend more on experiences?
Gilovich suggests a useful application of this information is to “Tilt one’s spending a bit more in the direction of experiences and a bit less in the direction of material possessions.”
Notice he doesn’t suggest spending more money to have experiences. No, he recommends shifting spending away from material goods in favor of experiences. The combination of both could be a recipe for a happier, more fulfilled life.
What do you think, friends? How do you value your experiences? Have you shifted your spending away from “stuff” and more toward adventures?
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